HBO Real Time June 12th

“I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws? “

- Bill Maher -

“I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.”

- Bill Maher -

“The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.”

- Bill Maher -

“To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who’s your real friend? It’s the person who tells you the truth. That’s who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.”

- Bill Maher -

“When you tolerate intolerance, you are not really being a liberal.”

- Bill Maher -

“The Real Axis of Evil in America is the Genius of our marketing and the gullibility of our people”

- Bill Maher -

“It’s amazing, the world now has more oil than it has places to store it. Even Don Jr.’s hair is at capacity.”

- Bill Maher -

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

- Bill Maher -

“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”

- Bill Maher -

“Is it just me or does Times Square look like Tokyo now?”

- Bill Maher -

“We fear different things. I fear climate change. They fear a demon in a red bodysuit… with a pitchfork.”

- Bill Maher -

“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”

- Bill Maher -

“It is being reported that a third of the world watched the royal wedding – and yet they claim gays are only 3 pct of population?”

- Bill Maher -

“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”

- Bill Maher -

“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”

- Bill Maher -

“I believe in the death penalty, but with better DNA testing – my slogan is ‘Let’s Kill The right People'”

- Bill Maher -

“Since Tom DeLay has done only two things since leaving politics – ‘Dancing with the Stars’, and now prison, somebody must tell him: there are easier ways to have sex with men.”

- Bill Maher -

“Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don’t have all the answers to think that they do.”

- Bill Maher -

“I don’t hate America. I love America. Thomas Jefferson lived in America. Mark Twain lived in America. So did Billie Holiday and Frank Lloyd Wright… and a lot of other people Sarah Palin never heard of.”

- Bill Maher -

“Religion is bad, drugs are good.”

- Bill Maher -